How to Behave and How to Amuse: A Handy Manual of Etiquette and Parlor Games. George H. Sandison
is sent to them. Young gentlemen follow the same custom. Intimate friends may send flowers on the day of the young girl’s first appearance, if they please; but it is not an inflexible custom.
The young lady stands at the left of the mother during the reception of guests, and is presented to her elders and to ladies. Of course, welcomes and brief congratulatory compliments are offered to her by each guest, and then place is made for the presentation of others who are arriving. When supper is announced, the brother or father escorts the young lady to the table, and the mother follows, accompanied by some honored gentleman guest. If the brother takes the young lady in, the father leads the way with the eldest or most distinguished lady of the party.
Visits of ceremony paid to the hostess following this entertainment should include this young lady, but during her first season in society she has no card of her own, and does not pay formal visits alone. If she be the eldest unwed daughter, her name is engraved as Miss Jones, beneath that of her mother. If she have elder sisters at home, her name is engraved as Miss Ada Anna Jones. During this first season she does not receive visits from gentlemen without a chaperon under any circumstances. If her mother be unable to receive with her, she politely declines a visit. After the first season, her own separate card may be left, either alone or with those of other members of her family. This formality past, she may be considered launched into the world of social intercourse.
Young gentlemen on the other hand, enter society without formality, and without much difficulty. A youth usually begins by endeavoring to assist his mother at her entertainments, and by being an escort to his sisters on informal evening visits among lady acquaintances where his agreeable traits win him a future invitation.
Dinner Parties.
Next to a wedding, there is probably no social duty that taxes to a larger extent the cleverness and originality of the mistress of a modern household than a fashionable dinner. As a preliminary step to such an event, she is careful to catalogue all the names of those to whom she desires to extend the hospitalities of her house. From all these she selects and groups those who will affect each other pleasantly. The differences in social conditions often go far toward deciding upon the groups, and the combinations of guests may be based upon mental accomplishments, or family connection. In either case the etiquette is the same.
To give a dinner in honor of some person, or “to meet” a particular party, as the invitation should explain (provided the guest be not well-known and famous), has an especial advantage in that it settles who shall, and who need not, be present. This is a simple method of disposing of our first difficulty when issuing invitations. In such a case the card of invitation should be in the usual form with the addition of an extra card as follows:
TO MEET
MR. ARTHUR MAYNE,
Of New Mexico.
thus intimating that the dinner is to be given in his honor. The regular invitation should always be given in the name of the host or hostess, thus:
Mr. and Mrs. Clarence Fitch
request the pleasure of
… … … … … … … … … … … . … .
company at dinner,
on … … … … … … … … … … . …
at seven o’clock.
No. 94 Florida Avenue.
The custom of engraving the initials, R. S. V. P. (Answer, if you please), on the lower left-hand corner is less followed than formerly. Another and also quite proper form, when the dinner is given in honor of some distinguished person, is to issue an invitation in this style:
MR. AND MRS. CLARENCE FITCH
request the pleasure of
MR. AND MRS. ROBERT HENDERSON’S
company at dinner, on Tuesday,
January 12th, at seven o’clock, to meet the
HON. MR. AND MRS. GREGORY.
No. 94 Florida Avenue.
The form used in writing an immediate reply is as follows:
MR. AND MRS. ROBERT HENDERSON
accept with pleasure MR. AND MRS. CLARENCE FITCH’S invitation to dinner, at seven o’clock, Tuesday evening, January 12.
If unable to come, the refusal should be worded in a manner expressive of disappointment. The following is the popular style:
Mr. and Mrs. Robert Henderson
regret that a previous engagement [or illness, or an unfortunate event] prevents the acceptance of MR. AND MRS. CLARENCE FITCH’S invitation for Tuesday evening, January 12.
The answer, whether affirmative or negative, should be addressed to the mistress of the house, and dispatched, if possible, within twenty-four hours of the receipt of the invitation. Having accepted an invitation, be punctual. “To be too late is a crime, and to be too early a blunder.” You should not fail to arrive within a very few minutes after the time named, say within five, or ten at most. Well-bred people, and people that dine out frequently, make a point of arriving in good time. It is not well, however, to arrive before the hour named. On entering the drawing-room, go and pay your respects to the hostess, then to the other members of the family, and finally to any acquaintances present. Do not offer your hand either to hostess, host, or to any member of the family; any offer to shake hands should come from them. On leaving, offer your hand, if you choose, to those of your entertainers that offered their hands to you when you arrived. But it is well to confine your leave-taking to the hostess and host. Do not go the rounds and take leave of the whole company individually; such a course is vulgar. If you have a lady with you, do not enter the drawing-room arm in arm nor side by side. The lady, or ladies will enter slightly in advance.
Gentlemen do not wear gloves at dinner-parties.
Dinner being announced, the hostess gives the signal to leave the drawing-room. The host or the hostess choose partners for their guests. Offer either arm to the lady. In entering at doors a gentleman takes the lead, until reaching the dining-room, when he may let the lady pass first. If there are steps, you may allow the lady to pass first, or you may go a step or two in advance. If you go down side by side, give her the side next the wall.
In the dining-room, assist the lady to be seated, and wait till the other ladies are in place before taking your seat. The host remains standing until all are seated. He also selects the places for his guests.
Sit erect and close to the table. Unfold your napkin and spread it over your lap, or over one knee, as you prefer. Before being served and during the intervals between the courses, do not toy with the knives, forks, or spoons, or with anything on the table. As soon as helped, begin to eat, but not hastily. Do not wait till your neighbors are served.
Dinners usually begin with a soup. This, you should sip from the side of the spoon, without noise. Not only soup, but everything else eaten with a spoon should be sipped from its side when practicable. The plate should never be tilted to get the last teaspoonful. If the soup is too hot, do not blow it, but wait till it cools. In eating it sit upright, and do not rest your forearms on the table.
Fish is eaten with a bit of bread in the left hand and a fork in the right. Neither soup nor fish is ever offered twice at a formal dinner.
As the fork is now used almost exclusively to convey all kinds of food that have any consistency to the mouth, it is very desirable that one should know how to use it properly. It should not be used in the left hand with the tines pointing upward. Food conveyed to the mouth with the fork in the left hand should be taken up either on the point of the tines, or on their convex side. In the right hand, the fork may be used with the tines pointing upward or downward, at will. It need hardly be said that eating with