How to Behave and How to Amuse: A Handy Manual of Etiquette and Parlor Games. George H. Sandison
is a test of good taste. Shirts should fit well and be of good quality. Let your collars always be strictly within the fashion; cuffs should be no larger than is necessary to admit of slipping the hand through them when buttoned. Colored shirts may be worn traveling, in the country, but most men of taste prefer white. The pattern of colored shirts should be small and the color quiet. If the coat, trousers and vest of business and morning suits are not made of the same cloth, the coat and vest should be of the same goods, and darker than the trousers. Men who cannot spend much money with tailors should always select dark stuffs. A dark morning suit may be worn on many occasions where the wearing of a light suit would be in bad taste.
Single-breasted overcoats, made with a “fly,” are most worn, and most desirable. A man of taste always selects for his overcoats dark, quiet colors. His boots and shoes are made long, broad in the sole and in the shank, and with a big and only moderately high heel. Pinched toes are an abomination. The shoe that does not look comfortable never looks well. There are many women who wear shoes that distort the feet and are most uncomfortable; such shoes, however, are rarely, if ever, seen on the feet of well-bred ladies.
A man’s hat should be fashionable, and his jewelry should be good and simple. False jewelry is vulgar. A watch, to be thoroughly in good taste, should never be very large, nor very thick, nor elaborately chased, nor should it have a hunting-case unless his business or pleasure renders him liable to break a crystal, when he is out of the easy reach of a jeweler to replace it. The watch chain should always be small and the pattern plain. Indeed, the young man who wears a big elaborate chain and attaches it in one of the lower button-holes of his vest has made an egregious blunder. Watch chains that go around the neck are no longer worn. The vest chain should be attached nearly as high up as it will reach, in a button-hole. If a locket or seal is worn, it should be very plain. A man’s ring should be on the third finger of the left hand. All kinds of rings are worn by men except cluster rings; they are worn by women only. Scarf-rings and collar-buttons with settings are in doubtful taste. Diamond studs are now very little worn by men of the better sort, and they never wear them except with full evening dress. Three studs in a dress shirt are to be preferred to one. Imitation diamonds are the extreme of vulgarity.
Nowadays, with few exceptions, men wear the hair very short, and the exceptions are not found among men of taste. The most artistic and becoming cut is that that trims the hair very short on the sides and back of the head, and leaves it comparatively long on the top, for the reason that a high head is always more pleasing than a low, broad one. The “parting” should be high up—in the middle, if one chooses to put it there. Pomatums and other inventions of the barbers are no longer used. Most men look best with a full beard, if it is kept properly trimmed and is well cared for. A man with a beard that reaches down over his chest, or a moustache so long as to be in his way, is a disgusting object to look on. If a man shaves a part of the face only, he should shave that part that is most prominent. A man with a prominent chin and thin cheeks should shave his chin and let his beard grow on the sides of his face; on the other hand, a man with a retreating or a light chin and full cheeks should shave his cheeks and let his beard grow on his chin. In short, the beard should be so trimmed, if worn full, or so cut, if only a part is worn, as to give regularity to the outline of the face. Every man, no matter who he is, should learn to shave himself quickly and well. Shaving should be as much a part of the regular morning toilet as the brushing of the hair. Much depends on having a good strap and knowing how to use it.
The finger nails should be kept moderately long, and be so cut that they are a little more pointed than the upper ends of the nails are. They should not be scraped, and in cutting, care should be taken not to encroach too much on the angles.
Canes should be strong, plain, stiff, light and small. Very big canes are in very bad taste, especially for young men.
A full-dress suit consists of a swallow-tailed coat, a low, white or black single-breasted vest, black trousers, a white necktie, a stand-up collar, a high black hat, and a pair of light kid gloves. This dress should never be worn until evening, and never before the dinner hour. A white necktie should not be worn except with a full-dress suit, save by clergymen and a few elderly men who never wear any other color. Black trousers should not be worn except with a dress coat, save at funerals. A high hat should not be worn with a sack coat. A low hat should not be worn with a long coat—a double-breasted frock, for example. Dark suits are preferable for Sundays, especially in town, and light suits should never be worn to church anywhere. Double-breasted frock coats should always be black.
At small informal gatherings most men regard themselves as sufficiently dressed when they wear black frock coats and dark trousers. At public entertainments where ladies wear bonnets, the man who wears a black frock coat, dark trousers, and light kid gloves is better dressed—because more appropriately—than he that wears a full-dress suit.
No man who has any regard for the proprieties will ever appear at table, even at home, whether there are strangers present or not, or will show himself to any one with whom he is not on a familiar footing, in his shirt-sleeves.
A Young Lady’s Début.
Social custom, both here and in Europe, has fixed the time for a girl’s formal introduction to society as between the ages of seventeen and twenty. Abroad, the daughter’s début means much more than with ourselves, and the launching of a clever and prepossessing young girl into the fitful sea of social life is quite an important function.
The mother invites only suitable people to her house, where she may present her daughter to them as a member of their circle. This act conveys the information to the polite world that the young lady has been graduated in all the accomplishments and knowledge necessary as the equipment of a woman of society.
Just previous to her formal presentation or début, her mother and her elder unmarried sisters—if any—pay visits, or at least leave their own with their fathers’ and brothers’ cards, upon all acquaintances whom they intend to invite to be present at the début. Engraved invitations follow this formality, and they are issued about ten days previous to the event. If they are sent by mail, an extra outer envelope incloses all the invitations that are directed to one family. If delivered by messenger, the outer wrap is no longer used. The mail has become as suitable a method as any for conveying social messages. One envelope is directed to Mr. and Mrs. A. If there are more daughters than one, the address is, “Misses A.,” or, if preferred, “The Misses A.” Each son receives a separate invitation; it is the custom. Replies are sent in the names of the parties addressed on the envelopes. The invitation is engraved in script, or, if crest or cipher be used, it may be placed on the envelope, and is in form similar to that used for parties. Cards have been used on which the special purpose of the party is stated, with the name of the young lady who is to make her début engraved upon them; but this is seldom done, and is not considered in the best possible taste. The following is the formula if such a card is used:
MR. AND MRS. B. N. JONES
request the pleasure of presenting their
eldest [or second, etc.,] daughter,
Miss Ada Anna,
to
… … … … … … … … … … … … … … . … .
on Wednesday evening, April 11, at half-past
eight o’clock.
No. 2002 Fifth Avenue.
A preferable method is simply to inclose the card of the young lady in the envelope containing the invitation.
The reply is written and forwarded directly, and corresponds in style to the invitation, in the following manner:
MR. AND MRS. E. DE PEYSTER
accept with pleasure Mr. and Mrs. B. N. Jones’ kind invitation for Wednesday evening, April 11th. No. 969 Irving Place. March 12th.
The young ladies use the same form, and commence