60 Plays: The George Bernard Shaw Edition (Illustrated). GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
My dear: I should like you to see everything. It is part of your education
BLANCHE [rising, with a petulant sigh] Oh, my education! Very well, very well: I suppose I must go through with it. Are you coming, Dr Trench? [with a grimace] I’m sure the Johannis Church will be a treat for you.
COKANE [laughing softly and archly] Ah, excellent, excellent: Very good, indeed. [Seriously] But do you know, Miss Sartorius, there actually are Johannis churches here several of them as well as Apollinaris ones?
SARTORIUS [Sententiously, taking out his fieldglass and leading the way to the gate] There is many a true word spoken in jest, Mr Cokane.
COKANE [accompanying him] How true! How true! [They go out together, ruminating profoundly. Blanche makes no movement to follow them. She watches until they are safely out of sight, and then posts herself before Trench, looking at him with an enigmatic smile, which he returns with a half sheepish, half conceited grin.]
BLANCHE Well! So you have done it at last.
TRENCH Yes. At least Cokane’s done it. I told you he’d manage it. He’s rather an ass in some ways; but he has tremendous tact.
BLANCHE [contemptuously] Tact! Thats not tact : thats inquisitiveness. Inquisitive people always have a lot of practice in getting into conversation with strangers. Why didnt you speak to my father yourself on the boat? You were ready enough to speak to me without any introduction.
TRENCH I didnt particularly want to talk to him.
BLANCHE It didnt occur to you, I suppose, that you put me in a false position by that.
TRENCH Oh, I dont see that, exactly. Besides, your father isnt an easy man to tackle. Of course, now that I know him, I see that he’s pleasant enough; but then youve got to know him first, havnt you?
BLANCHE [impatiently] Everybody is afraid of papa: I’m sure I dont know why. [She sits down again, pouting a little.]
TRENCH [tenderly] However, it’s all right now: Isnt it? [He sits near her.]
BLANCHE [sharply] I dont know. How should I? You had no right to speak to me that day on board the steamer. You thought I was alone, because [with false pathos] I had no mother with me.
TRENCH [protesting] Oh, I say! Come! It was you who spoke to me. Of course I was only too glad of the chance; but on my word I shouldnt have moved an eyelid if you hadnt given me a lead.
BLANCHE I only asked you the name of a castle. There was nothing unladylike in that.
TRENCH Of course not. Why shouldnt you? [With renewed tenderness] But it’s all right now: Isnt it?
BLANCHE [softly, looking subtly at him] Is it?
TRENCH [suddenly becoming shy] I, I suppose so. By the way, what about the Apollinaris Church? Your father expects us to follow him, doesnt he?
BLANCHE [with suppressed resentment] Dont let me detain you if you wish to see it.
TRENCH Wont you come?
BLANCHE No. [She turns her face away moodily.]
TRENCH [alarmed] I say: youre not offended, are you? [She looks round at him for a moment with a reproachful film on her eyes.] Blanche — [She bristles instantly; overdoes it and frightens him.] I beg your pardon for calling you by your name; but I er — [She corrects her mistake by softening her expression eloquently. He responds with a gush] You dont mind, do you? I felt sure you wouldnt, somehow. Well, look here. I have no idea how you will receive this: It must seem horribly abrupt; but the circumstances do not admit of — The fact is, my utter want of tact — [he founders more and more, unable to see that she can hardly contain her eagerness.] Now, if it were Cokane —
BLANCHE [impatiently] Cokane!
TRENCH [terrified] No, not Cokane. Though I assure you I was only going to say about him that —
BLANCHE That he will be back presently with papa.
TRENCH [stupidly] Yes: They cant be very long now. I hope I’m not detaining you.
BLANCHE I thought you were detaining me because you had something to say.
TRENCH [totally unnerved] Not at all. At least, nothing very particular. That is, I’m afraid you wouldnt think it very particular. Another time, perhaps —
BLANCHE What other time? How do you know that we shall ever meet again? [Desperately] Tell me now. I want you to tell me now.
TRENCH Well, I was thinking that if we could make up our minds to or not to at least er-[His nervousness deprives him of the power of speech]
BLANCHE [giving him up as hopeless] I dont think theres much danger of your making up your mind, Dr Trench.
TRENCH [stammering] I only thought — [He stops and looks at her piteously. She hesitates a moment, and then puts her hands into his with calculated impulsiveness. He catches her in his arms with a cry of relief.] Dear Blanche! I thought I should never have said it. I believe I should have stood stuttering here all day if you hadnt helped me out with it.
BLANCHE [trying to get away from him] I didnt help you out with it.
TRENCH [holding her] I dont mean that you did it on purpose, of course. Only instinctively.
BLANCHE [still a little anxious] But you havnt said anything.
TRENCH What more can I say than this? [He kisses her again.]
BLANCHE [overcome by the kiss, but holding on to her point] But Harry-
TRENCH [delighted at the name] Yes?
BLANCHE When shall we be married?
TRENCH At the first church we meet: the Apollinaris Church, if you like.
BLANCHE No, but seriously. This is serious, Harry: you musnt joke about it.
TRENCH [looking suddenly round to the riverside gate and quickly releasing her] Sh! Here they are back again.
BLANCHE Oh, d — [The word is drowned by the clangor of a bell from within the hotel. The waiter appears on the steps, ringing it. Cokane and Sartorius are seen returning by the river gate]
WAITER Table d’h6te in dwendy minutes, ladies and zhentellmenn. [He goes into the hotel.]
SARTORIUS [gravely] I intended you to accompany us, Blanche.
BLANCHE Yes, papa. We were just about to start.
SARTORIUS We are rather dusty : we must make ourselves presentable at the table d’hote. I think you had better come in with me, my child. Come. [He offers Blanche his arm. The gravity of his manner overawes them all. Blanche silently takes his arm and goes into the hotel with him. Cokane, hardly less momentous than Sartorius himself, contemplates Trench with the severity of a judge].
COKANE [with reprobation] No, my dear boy. No, no. Never. I blush for you was never so ashamed in my life. You have been taking advantage of that unprotected girl.
TRENCH [hotly] Cokane!
COKANE [inexorable] Her father seems to be a perfect gentleman. I obtained the privilege of his acquaintance: I introduced you: I allowed him to believe that he might leave his daughter in your charge with absolute confidence. And what did I see on our return? what did her father see? Oh, Trench, Trench! No, my dear fellow, no, no. Bad taste, Harry, bad form!
TRENCH Stuff! There was nothing to see.
COKANE Nothing to see! She, a perfect lady, a person of the highest breeding, actually in your arms; and you say there was nothing to see! With a waiter there actually ringing a heavy bell to call attention to his presence. [Lecturing him with redoubled severity] Have you no principles, Trench? Have you no religious convictions? Have you no acquaintance with the usages of society? You actually kissed-
TRENCH You didnt see me kiss her.
COKANE We not only saw but heard it: The report positively reverberated down the Rhine. Dont condescend to subterfuge, Trench.
TRENCH