60 Plays: The George Bernard Shaw Edition (Illustrated). GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
very extensive real estate in London. Lady Roxdale is one of the head landlords; and Dr Trench holds a mortgage from which, if I mistake not, his entire income is derived. The truth is, Mr Cokane, I am quite well acquainted with Dr Trench’s position and affairs; and I have long desired to know him personally.
COKANE [again obsequious, but still inquisitive] What a remarkable coincidence! In what quarter is the estate situated, did you say?
SARTORIUS In London, sir. Its management occupies as much of my time as is not devoted to the ordinary pursuits of a gentleman. [He rises and takes out his card case]. The rest I leave to your discretion. [He leaves a card on the table]. That is my address at Surbiton. If it should unfortunately happen, Mr Cokane, that this leads to nothing but a disappointment for Blanche, probably she would rather not see you afterwards. But if all turns out as we hope, Dr Trench’s best friends will then be our best friends.
COKANE [rising and confronting Sartorius confidently, pencil and paper in hand] Rely on me, Mr Sartorius. The letter is already finished here [pointing to his brain]. In five minutes it will be finished there [He points to the paper, nods to emphasize the assertion, and begins to pace up and down the garden, writing, and tapping his forehead from time to time as he goes, with every appearance of severe intellectual exertion.]
SARTORIUS [calling through the gate after a glance at his watch] Blanche.
BLANCHE [replying in the distance] Yes?
SARTORIUS Time, my dear. [He goes into the table d’hote].
BLANCHE [nearer] Coming. [She comes back through the gate, followed by Trench.]
TRENCH [in a half whisper, as Blanche goes towards the table d’hote] Blanche: stop one moment. [She stops.] We must be careful when your father is by. I had to promise him not to regard anything as settled until I hear from my people at home.
BLANCHE [chilled] Oh, I see. Your family may object to me; and then it will be all over between us. They are almost sure to.
TRENCH [anxiously] Dont say that, Blanche: It sounds as if you didnt care. I hope you regard it as settled. You havnt made any promise, you know.
BLANCHE [earnestly] Yes, I have : / promised papa too. But I have broken my promise for your sake. I suppose I am not so conscientious as you. And if the matter is not to be regarded as settled, family or no family, promise or no promise, let us break it off here and now.
TRENCH [intoxicated with affection] Blanche: On my most sacred honor, family or no family, promise or no promise [ The waiter reappears at the table d’hote entrance, ringing his bell loudly.] Damn that noise!
COKANE [as he comes to them, flourishing the letter] Finished, dear boy, finished. Done to a turn, punctually to the second. C’est fini, mon cher garçon, c’est fini. [Sartorius returns].
SARTORIUS. Will you take Blanche in, Dr Trench? [Trench takes Blanche into the table d’hote.] Is the letter finished, Mr Cokane?
COKANE [with an author’s pride, handing his draft to Sartorius] There! [Sartorius reads it, nodding gravely over it with complete approval.]
SARTORIUS [returning the draft] Thank you, Mr Cokane. You have the pen of a ready writer.
COKANE [as they go in together] Not at all, not at all. A little tact, Mr Sartorius; a little knowledge of the world; a little experience of women. [They disappear into the annexe.]
ACT II
In the library of a handsomely appointed villa at Surbiton on a sunny forenoon in September. Sartorius is busy at a writing table, littered with business letters. The fireplace, decorated for summer, is close behind him : the window is in the opposite wall. Between the table and the window Blanche, in her prettiest frock, sits reading The Queen. The door, painted, like all the woodwork, in the blackest shade of red, with brass fittings and moulded posts and pediment, is in the middle. All the walls are lined with shelves of smartly tooled books, fitting into their places like bricks. A library ladder stands in the corner.
SARTORIUS Blanche.
BLANCHE Yes, papa.
SARTORIUS I have some news here.
BLANCHE What is it?
SARTORIUS I mean news for you from Trench.
BLANCHE [with affected indifference] Indeed?
SARTORIUS “Indeed?”! Is that all you have to say to me? Oh, very well. [He resumes his work. Silence.]
BLANCHE What do his people say, papa?
SARTORIUS His people! I dont know. [Still busy. Another pause.]
BLANCHE What does he say?
SARTORIUS He! He says nothing. [He folds a letter leisurely and looks for the envelope.] He prefers to communicate the result of his where did I put — Oh, here. Yes: He prefers to communicate the result in person.
BLANCHE [springing up] Oh, papa! When is he coming?
SARTORIUS If he walks from the station, he may arrive in the course of the next halfhour. If he drives, he may be here at any moment.
BLANCHE [making hastily for the door] Oh!
SARTORIUS Blanche.
BLANCHE Yes, papa.
SARTORIUS You will of course not meet him until he has spoken to me.
BLANCHE [hypocritically] Of course not, papa. I shouldnt have thought of such a thing.
SARTORIUS That is all. [She is going, when he puts out his hand, and says with fatherly emotion:] My dear child. [She responds by going over to kiss him. A tap at the door.] Come in. [Lickcheese enters, carrying a black handbag. He is a shabby, needy man, with dirty face and linen, scrubby beard and whiskers, going bald. A nervous, wiry, pertinacious sort of human terrier, judged by his mouth and eyes, but miserably apprehensive and servile before Sartorius. He bids Blanche “Good morning, miss.” and she passes out with a slight and contemptuous recognition of him.]
LICKCHEESE Good morning, sir.
SARTORIUS [harsh and peremptory] Good morning.
LICKCHEESE [taking a little sack of money from his bag] Not much this morning, sir. I have just had the honor of making Dr Trench’s acquaintance, sir.
SARTORIUS [looking up from his writing, displeased] Indeed?
LICKCHEESE Yes, sir. Dr Trench asked his way of me, and was kind enough to drive me from the station.
SARTORIUS Where is he, then?
LICKCHEESE I left him in the hall, with his friend, sir. I should think he is speaking to Miss Sartorius.
SARTORIUS Hm! What do you mean by his friend?
LICKCHEESE There is a Mr Cokane with him, sir.
SARTORIUS I see you have been talking to him, eh?
LICKCHEESE As we drove along: yes, sir.
SARTORIUS [sharply] Why did you not come by the nine o’clock train?
LICKCHEESE I thought —
SARTORIUS It cannot be helped now; so never mind what you thought. But do not put off my business again to the last moment. Has there been any further trouble about the St Giles property?
LICKCHEESE The Sanitary Inspector has been complaining again about No. 13 Robbins’s Row. He says he’ll bring it before the vestry.
SARTORIUS Did you tell him that I am on the vestry?
LICKCHEESE Yes, Sir.
SARTORIUS What did he say to that?