Finding the Sun Through the Clouds. Dawnmarie Deshaies
classes made me feel so alive and vibrant. I had a special bond with all the art students. The constant influx of shared ideas and discussions on different techniques boosted my creativity always to continue developing new pieces of work. My classmates and I still hung out together. We had lunch together and always did things on the weekends for school projects for art classes. I began to achieve As in all my classes. From working hard in my studies and out of school to keep a B+, I managed to stay above to average grades with a 3.0 all four years and worked twenty-five hours a week as well.
Of course, some of you are probably wondering about my early love life. Well, I dated the same boy for over five years. His name was John. I honestly thought he was the person I was going to marry; he even gave me an engagement ring after I graduated from art school. He was all I knew between school, working, and everyday life.
After graduating from school, I moved out of my parents’ home and got my own apartment. There weren’t any jobs in the art field and I had to pay bills, so I started working in New London, Connecticut. I worked at the mall full-time, and before I knew it, I was an assistant manager. My career was moving fast. I was promoted again to a larger store as the manager after just six months. I was engaged to John, but I knew deep down inside I wanted more in my life. I had dreams of still being a princess taken away by a knight in shining armor, and he wasn’t taking my breath away from the way I needed it. His dreams did not resonate with me, and I didn’t want to settle for anything less. It was hard breaking up with him. First love is a confusing game. It’s a maze of discovery and contemplation. Which choice should I make when I have an engagement ring on my finger but I cannot imagine a future with this person, so he obviously could not be the one? He was my only boyfriend then. I lost my virginity to him, and I loved him, but love and desire are often intertwined with each other, and it’s hard to separate the two, especially at such a young age. He worked hard, but he never really had plans to move and make something of himself. He was comfortable, and I wanted more for my life. I realized that if he loved me, he would follow, but he didn’t, so I let him go. I had bigger plans for myself and my dreams.
I had so many dreams as a young woman graduating from school. I thought after high school and college, I was going to move to New York City. Well, little did I know it was so hard to get into the doors of any design company or even any art studios. You had to know someone in the field already working there, and I didn’t know anyone. Working in retail, I was able to use my design background to work on floor moves and designs for the stores. I implemented myself where I could, and I enjoyed using my art background where I could, but I knew I could achieve more with my prowess.
I really enjoyed my job, and like before, I was asked to move to a new company called Butler Shoes. They moved me to their big store in New London, Connecticut. I worked with them for two years, and then another company recruited me. The company was called Rainbow Shops; it was a women’s apparel company. As an area manager, I was running five stores. I was working long hours and traveled a lot. Looking back today on my life at that time, I realize I saw my work ethic being tested, and I never gave up. As my asthma attacks lingered from childhood, they intruded less and less as I grew older.
As I continued working and traveling, I believe my symptoms for an early-prognosis MS started to show itself. I was organizing floor moves in all the stores after-hours when I began to lose feeling in my hands, like pins and needles were silently pressing onto my skin. I started to drop things as I worked, like my muscles just let go, and I had no idea why I just made it happen. My vision also became blurred during strenuous activity, but with all these symptoms starting to arise, I figured, working long, hard hours, much like anyone else, it was a result of excessive tiredness. So I kept on moving along with that smile on my face. The same smile I learned so early on to put up to hide the pain of all my other woes.
As with all things, my life continued, despite my body sending me constant feedback to slow down the continuous wave of work. With my mother’s words resonating in the back of my head, “Never give up, you need to keep moving forward,” I pushed through the pain, which at that time was far away from what I began to feel later. With such a small amount of life under my belt, working was pretty much all I knew at that time. I thought that if I continued improving my career, I would become the success I dreamed about so much since I was a child. If I was sick, I still pulled myself from underneath the sheets because bills still needed to be paid, and without working, that would never happen. Like Mom said, “Smile like you have nothing to worry about.” With the growing confidence of an up-and-coming career, I didn’t let anything slow me down.
Chapter 7
Climbing the Career Ladder
At the ripe old age of twenty years, I was recruited again by another prevalent company at that time called Rave, another women’s apparel store. The most significant decision that had to be made accepting this new job was my move to Springfield, Massachusetts. So here I was, jumping into the unknown of exciting possibilities. I rented a room in a quaint New England house at that time until I found an apartment and a roommate to pair myself with. Everything was going so well; the move was perfect, and I wasn’t stressed with the crushing workload as I was beforehand. As spring rolled around in the warm month of May, with all the change in the air, I bought a new car to signify the big move and increased confidence in my ability. It was a Honda Civic colored baby blue, and I absolutely loved it.
Most importantly, though, it was my car. I used the money I had been working for the last couple of years to buy this for myself. How wonderful it was to drive with that new-car smell. The sweet scent of change and accomplishment all in one. The job was going great. I was living in what I thought was a perfect life. With increased confidence, I was walking taller than I really was—you know, like the old saying “When a woman straps on her heels, she becomes the queen of the world.” With a cup of coffee in my hand and the biggest smile on my face as I rolled into work in this cute baby-blue Honda, I strutted down my imaginary runway to stardom. The new arrival of passion for life was only slightly hindered by the increasing workload. I knew life couldn’t always be perfect and I had to make the most of it as I went along, but this was the most I could reach for at that time, and I believe I made the most of it.
The change was ever-present in Massachusetts. Seasons increased rain, and my allergies blowing the roof off my apartment caused my asthma to act up again. So living with my roommate and without the guidance of my mother, I went to the hospital. They gave me a new medication, called albuterol. This made things easier for me when I was having trouble. The phantoms began resurrecting within me, and the feelings of my hands and feet falling asleep along with my problems in my vision began to rear their ugly heads again. I just thought this must be my normal behavior when exposed to excess stress. Looking back on my sickly childhood, I thought this was completely normal and just soldiered on.
As the tides changed and the world kept rotating on its axis, I made new friends and really felt like I was making a great life for myself. I became the area sales manager for the second time in my career, having five stores to manage all around Massachusetts, and began to travel a lot more with work just like before. I worked the weekly forty hours along with numerous hours of overtime, and yet I kept my smile strong and stayed positive because I really liked my job. For all those beginning in their career, I hope you find something you love doing, because it makes life so much easier when you enjoy the work you are managing. You will reach your dreams.
Floor plans were changing every week on headquarters’ decision, new marketing campaigns were beginning to float to the surface every couple of months, and new merchandise meant we had to make the store look perfect to a wide range of customers. I also began to work on accounting sales margins per request of the higher-ups. Numbers and margins became the norm for me. I was making sure every store was meeting their weekly and monthly sales goals. My team was easy and fun. Luckily, I was working with all women, so the gossip was continually flowing. Girls, after all, just want to have fun.
I really loved working with people. We managed to work hard and still made the workplace fun. I could sell anything to anyone; if someone asked for advice on what to wear, I could sell them a leaf patch and they would leave thinking it was