Finding the Sun Through the Clouds. Dawnmarie Deshaies
I believe every person should work in retail once due to working most weekends and holidays. Retail work teaches you how to interact with all kinds of people and gives you confidence when you begin to sell in increased margins. Besides all the numbers and margins, I really cared for all my customers. To simply bring a smile to someone’s face after helping them find the perfect outfit would make my day. I really enjoyed making others feel confident in themselves, and I hope to inspire all women to feel like a queen or a princess even on their worst days. I smiled while handing them their bag of new accessories and clothing, and I always felt the warm exchange of joy piercing our two faces. By instilling confidence in another, I found it in myself.
My teams were amazing, and working with so many different personalities intrigued and fascinated me. As a manager, I would motivate them daily and made work fun to keep up the bravado. I would like to think I was a fun boss but also astute in getting the job done. I guess you could say I was a no-nonsense boss. I worked about sixty-five to seventy hours a week, traveling from store to store, working with my sales teams and really getting to know them and what their lives were like. They were my work family, and I loved every second spent with them.
I remember days when I would collapse into my couch because the phantom fatigue crept in as soon as I stepped from my car and into my apartment. When I wasn’t at work or around anyone, I would wonder why there were so many things wrong with me. Was life really supposed to be this normal? To live with a constant wave of unknown agony? I began to talk to my coworkers about my symptoms, and they would say, “Dawnmarie, sweetie, you are working too hard. Take a vacation.” Following a couple more weeks of enduring pain, I went in for a checkup with a local doctor. In concurrence with my coworkers, the doc said, “Take a vacation, Dawnmarie.” All my blood work returned normal, so the only physically present ailment was my asthma. I continued to lie to myself, encouraging myself that the pains were just the stress of working. That lie only made me worry more, because I knew deep down I wasn’t supposed to be feeling this way all the time. I redirected my focus to work, pushing my own health to the side most of the time. I was a hard worker, and I was determined as ever to be the best district sales manager ever. Even if I wasn’t feeling well, I was never going to let anything stop me.
I never really went out too much due to workload, but one day the girls said, “Let’s go out for a drink,” and my whole life changed again.
Chapter 8
Turning Twenty-One
I was finally twenty-one years old, so let the roaring twenties begin again. It was time to hit the town with my ladies. Of course, I was always looking fabulous, because who doesn’t need a day to feel themselves? I met so many people and tried to balance my work life and personal life. I met a police officer, and his name was Thomas. We hit it off and started dating. I met his sister Nancy. She was a nurse, and we got along great. I was all about working hard and climbing the corporate ladder, so love wasn’t as prevalent in my mind; it was a time to concentrate on work and find time to let loose.
Continuing to live in Massachusetts was okay. The weather seemed to bother my asthma a lot, and the strange phantom symptoms continued to fatigue and tire me out day to day. But life carried on. I continued to work, date, and go out with friends. I dated Thomas for over a year, and I started to live with his sister Nancy. We became great friends and always strolled to nightclubs and bars together with our friends after work. I knew this wasn’t all I wanted to do with my life. I still had bigger dreams for my life. I wanted to travel the world, paint murals, and own my own business working on interior design one day.
My bucket list at that time consisted of jumping out of a plane, learning to fire a weapon (like Lara Croft), wanting to teach children to paint and draw, traveling to the artistic capitals of the world to see all my idols’ works, relaxing on a secluded beach and drinking a bottle of champagne, and painting my own work for the world to see. Most of all, I wanted to start my own business. I wanted to model people’s homes, and I wanted to model in them as well. Being a mere five feet, two inches (like one of my favorite artists currently, Lady Gaga), I knew the last check was a long-stretched dream, but I never gave up on it. Of course, I was still on the hunt for my prince charming. I knew one day I would settle down and start a family so I could pass along all my artistic visions and create a life of love and adoration for my own children. I hoped to pass along all the incredible life lessons I had learned so far, such as my inherent compassion for all living things and my impeccable work ethic. I wanted to raise influential individuals who could take care of themselves and spread a kind message for the world to see with their talents. I wanted to be a leader and make a difference in people’s lives. I’m still working on being a leader to this day.
When I gave my mother, father, and teachers this list, they all said to me, “You can do whatever your heart desires in life.” It takes determination and hard work. I had accomplished so much at such a young age already, and I was not going to stop there. My relationship with Thomas only lasted one year, and it wasn’t a natural breakup. He was seeing other people, and I was only seeing him—the signs of an immature man not knowing what he wants in life. I thought to myself, Was I really in love with him? Or was it just comfortable having someone in my life? Looking back now, I’m glad I was able to answer such substantial life questions at that time. He moved on with his life, and I moved on with mine. I moved out of Nancy’s home, but I attended her wedding party as maid of honor. She married her best friend, Bill. Bill and Nancy made a great couple, and they knew how to live life and have fun.
Chapter 9
The New Move
After Bill and Nancy’s wedding, I moved out and found a new apartment to live in just around the corner. I stopped going out at night and continued growth in my career. At the end of long days, I would go home, shower, and go to sleep. I always was so fatigued. I worked so much that my girlfriends finally said, “You’re coming out for a drink with us, Dawnmarie. You need a little dancing to boost you up.” I needed to get back to my roots. I needed to remind myself how to be silly and have fun. Life isn’t all about work! I decided to go out with them this one night, and we went to a new hotel in town, the Sheraton Hotel. They had a small nightclub, so off we went, with our hoops in our ears, our hair flawless, and that look in our eyes that resembled the passion of Aphrodite.
When we arrived, we strolled to the bar and ordered some drinks. With music blaring in our ears, all my friends were picked off one by one. Each man coming up more handsome than the last, asking for a hand to dance with, but not me. I thought, Okay, Dawnmarie, you have hit rock bottom. How could I be looking so regal and elegant and no man had swooped me off my feet? Maybe it was the liquor in me, but I was feeling myself.
Little did I know, on the other side of the club, there was a very hot, sexy young man. Little to my knowledge at that time, he was holding off all his friends from approaching me. So my fun levels were drowning, and I told my girlfriends I was going home. Talk about feeling unattractive and unwanted at the age of twenty-one! Wow! I thought to myself. I said, “At least I still have a job that loves me!” I loved working and being confident. My job made me come alive daily being able to work with new and potently extravagant people. I learned to look at life as a fresh start every day, no matter how I was feeling.
Chapter 10
Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome
As I was leaving with a glum outlook on the night, this tall, dark, and handsome man with a smile that could melt your heart came up to me and asked me to dance. It was the moment I was looking forward to the whole night, so of course I said yes, with an unbridled glee in my voice. I was trying to keep my cool, but he knew he had me roped in. He whispered in my ear, “I have been watching you all night, and my friends have helped me stop everyone who came next to you.” At first, I laughed, then I realized he wasn’t kidding. We laughed and danced. As he pulled closer and closer, he asked me where I worked. I told him I was a traveling woman; I worked