Finding the Sun Through the Clouds. Dawnmarie Deshaies
exactly I spent most of my time, in that gentle, all-too-charming voice. Without restraint, I told him I would be at the Holyoke Mall in Massachusetts. For the next week, he asked for my phone number, but I said no. I never gave my number out to strangers. He looked at me and wondered why. I sweetly said, “Goodbye,” looked him in the eyes, and smiled. Then I walked out and went home with a smile on my face. I knew how to play this game, but lingering in the back of my head was the thought that I had already lost myself to him.
The very next day, I was in one of my stores, working on the payroll books, and all of a sudden, he came walking in the store, Mr. Sharp-Dressed Man. His name was Robert, the man from the nightclub last night, with two dozen red roses in his hand. I was shocked and didn’t expect it. I smiled and blushed at the same time and thought to myself, Wow, I guess I still have it. We talked a little, and he asked if he could take me out on a date. I said yes. It was June 11, 1988, our first date. That lingering thought from the night before told me it was all over. Could he be the one?
He called and said, “I am picking you up, and we are going out on my boat.” I said okay. He asked if I knew how to water-ski, and I said no. I was so nervous, but my desire for adventure was bursting through my brain. I have always been ready for adventures in my life, and I never say no to a new challenge. So I told myself, “Eh, what the hell! I need to live life or it will pass me by.” Robert picked me, punctual as always, and off we went to the lake. His boat was waiting for us, floating in the calm lake as the sun gleamed down on us. He had asked his good friend and his girlfriend, Dani and Rose, childhood friends of Robert, to meet us there. They seemed nice. We had lunch, and we all went out on the skis afterward. At first, I was scared I wouldn’t be able to pull myself out of the water, but surprisingly, I was skiing before I knew it. The rush exhilarated me. I thought, Holy shit, I’m skiing across the water right now! and then suddenly, another boat came past us and the waves came crashing over me. I went down and snapped my neck backward as I fell and skipped into the water. In a quick moment of fear, I felt warm arms wrap around me, lifting me from the sea. Robert had jumped into the water, swam up with power and grace, and pulled me out of the water effortlessly. With my nerves racked and my body in a slight haze, I spoke to Robert, asking him to take us back to shore. Robert was so sweet. He put a towel around me and calmed me down, saying, “As long as I get to take care of you the rest of the night.” The charm of this man!
That night, we went out to dinner and a movie. I was feeling sore, and my neck really hurt, but the date was going well. I didn’t want to tell him I was hurting from the crash in the water, so I put a smile on my face and went. The movie was hysterical; I think all the laughing helped with the pain. It was called The Great Outdoors, by Howard Deutch, starring John Candy and Dan Aykroyd. After the movie was over, I asked to go home. I was holding my neck from the pain, and Robert asked me if I was okay. When I told him how painful it was, he said we needed to go to the hospital to have me checked out. So off we went. How did an average day become a day of excitement and terror? It took us six hours in the ER just to be seen by a doctor. They checked me out and did x-rays, and they told me I had whiplash. Then they put me in a neck collar and on pain medication to help me get through the days at work. Talk about a thrilling first date. Robert drove me home the next morning. I was in so much pain I couldn’t go to work. Robert came over to check up on me and bring me food. He was so sweet and kind.
For the next two weeks, we were together every day, having romantic dinners, getting to know each other. We had a real connection that I never felt before he walked into my life with such power and grace. I had only been with two other men in my life before. One was my longtime boyfriend from high school. I dated him for five years. His name was John. And the other one was Thomas, for one year. Neither of them made me feel like this. I had sweaty palms and butterflies in my stomach. Is this what pregnancy felt like? I wondered. Being with Robert was so easy. I remember the first time we made love. It felt like we were made for each other. It was so passionate. And so intense. He kissed me like no one before. He caressed my body like he was sculpting a masterpiece. I had shivers all over my body. I had never felt like this before. We made love for hours. We continued to make love as we showered together, and he washed my hair, and then he turned me around and held my face, saying, “You are so beautiful and angelic. I love everything about you. I love looking at you and feeling your body against mine.” He whispered in my ear, “We were made for each, and I finally found you.” We hugged for the longest time. Standing in the shower as the water ran down our bodies. That night, Robert slept over.
Almost every night after that, we couldn’t get enough of each other. If I was working, he would come visit me. When I wasn’t working, we were off doing something, exploring the small towns around Massachusetts and making incredible memories. We would laugh all the time and hold hands as we walked around. Anyone could spot our passion for each other from a mile away.
Chapter 11
The Letter
I’ll always remember a special moment between Robert and me when I arrived home from a regular, old afternoon after work. As I walked from my car to the doorstep, I looked for my keys in my purse. Unaware of my surroundings, I suddenly bumped into Robert standing on my porch. At first, I was startled, but my anxiety soon fell away as I looked at his incredible smile. He then spoke. “Dawnmarie, I have something to give you.” And as he spoke, he held my hand and gifted me a handwritten letter. Of course, it was addressed to me, from Robert. I kept the letter in my hand and peeled open the manila envelope. In the most eloquent writing, it stated thus:
A woman who comes from dreams of fallen hope. Dreams of a man who had given up his pursuit of his fairy tale.
As I gaze upon her, there is so much to see.
Her every move, no matter how small, displays her gleam and beauty throughout the space she holds.
She leaves me breathless.
Her beauty is unrivaled by the most beautiful of all women in this man’s intuitive eyes; the curves of her body and face are such that only a maestro could have created in his greatest imagination.
While her eyes, wild, sparkle, which cannot even be held by the brightest stars on the darkest of nights.
Her thoughtfulness and care for the people she loves lead me only to hope that I someday will also have love as mine.
Every day since we have met has gone like this.
I awake in the morning with thoughts of her still fresh from the night. Rushing her image to my consciousness.
The image of my princess is beckoned by the heart. I am called by a force to reach her so that I may hear her voice.
The sounds of voice fill me with contentment, and a desire fills me, grows stronger than the previous day.
As the days go on, the thoughts of her linger in my mind like the scent of a wild rose with a touch of morning dew. My longing for her grows.
I grow to the point of frustration.
But I begin to count the days and minutes knowing that soon I will touch my radiant dream. When finally we touch, the long waiting is silenced and overwhelmed by the beating of my heart.
The touch has sent a feeling which escapes all words.
Can she be the one?
—R. J. Deshaies,
signed July 21, 1988
Chapter 12
First Two Weeks
After a mere two weeks of us dating, Robert asked me to marry him. At first, it was an incredible shock, and my mind raced with crazy emotions. I couldn’t pinpoint the exact feeling during that moment, so let’s just say all of them. At this time, I withheld from deciding and made him wait for an answer. Robert was always a gentleman. I felt like we couldn’t get enough of each other. Our love was so passionate and real. I would be at work, and all I could do was think of him.
Every minute we