Etiquette Guide to Japan. Boye Lafayette De Mente

      Preface

      Etiquette as Morality

      Although often overshadowed by a modern facade, longstanding traditional aspects of Japan’s culture still influence the country and almost everyone in it. Concrete evidence of this traditional culture can be seen everywhere— in the ancient arts and crafts that are still practiced, in the many shrines and temples, and in the modern comeback of traditional fashions such as kimono and yukata robes.

      To many Western visitors, however, the most obvious example of this traditional culture’s strength is the unique etiquette of the Japanese. Like many nations, Japan has experienced vast political, social, and economic change over the past century. But enough of Japan’s traditional etiquette remains to set the Japanese apart socially and psychologically, and to make success in socializing and doing business with them a special challenge for Westerners.

      The Japanese were certainly not the first people to create a social system based on a highly stylized form of behavior, but there have been few if any societies that carried the stylization as far as the Japanese, or made adherence to social norms such an integral part of popular culture.

      For generations, the ethical and moral standards of the Japanese were measured by their knowledge of and adherence to minutely detailed etiquette. There was a prescribed form and order for virtually every action, from routine daily tasks to special occasions. Failure to follow these established forms of behavior was regarded as a transgression against the family, the community, and even the nation. In fact, one of the key elements in the Japanese social system was subsumed in the term messhi-hoko (may-she hoe-koe), or “self-sacrifice,” which required individuals to sacrifice their personal ambitions—and often their personalities as well—for the benefit of whatever group they belonged to. The code of social conduct became so formal, so detailed, and so important that proper behavior became the paramount morality of the land, regularly taking precedence over human feelings and ethical considerations. Yet it was combined with a reverence for nature and an acute awareness of the sensual and spiritual side of life that tempered some of its harsher realities.

      Despite the Westernization and modernization of Japan since the end of the country’s feudal era in the 1860s, this traditional etiquette is alive and well. Even in cosmopolitan Tokyo and other Japanese cities the evidence of age-old forms of behavior is readily obvious. From the ritual of bowing to the use of special language meant to convey respect, today’s etiquette can be a glimpse into Japan’s distant past.

      Tourists and businesspeople do not need to be overly concerned about knowing and following Japanese etiquette because the Japanese are exceptionally tolerant of visitors, whom they regard as guests, and are especially helpful in coaching visitors in all the intricacies of their traditional behavior—from meeting and greeting people, to seating considerations and dining, entertaining, and interacting with others in business and social situations.

      But even a cursory knowledge of Japanese etiquette can help you avoid serious social transgressions and interact more successfully with the Japanese. It is polite, considerate, and wise to know as much as possible about Japanese etiquette and to follow it with as much skill as possible, because doing things “the right way” is the only way you can enjoy the full benefit of the unique Japanese experience.

      Since Japanese etiquette is a product of the country’s culture and history, learning about it and interacting with the Japanese “inside” their etiquette gives you an insight into their character and personality—which is the most valuable thing you can get from a visit to a new country. Dining the Japanese way, to provide one significant example, means “becoming Japanese” in a cultural sense. By knowing and following the traditional Japanese way of dining your experience is immeasurably deepened and becomes real—not just something you saw in a movie or read about in a book.

      For the discerning foreign visitor, just a few days in Japan can be an extraordinary aesthetic and cultural experience. If you look closely, the whole country is a virtual museum of modern and traditional images that imbue daily life with an emotional, intellectual, and spiritual link to the past.

      In fact, Western visitors to Japan who take the time to experience the aspects of ancient Japanese culture that still exist today in traditional restaurants, inns, shrines, temples, and gardens, as well as at ceremonial events such as tea ceremonies and weddings, are often so impressed with their experiences that they incorporate some of the elements of Japan’s traditional culture into their own lifestyles when they return home.

      Visitors who go to Japan and deliberately seek to experience elements of the traditional culture are enriched beyond words.

      Boyé Lafayette De Mente

       Atami, Japan

      1

      Origins of Japanese Etiquette

      The impetus for the development of Japan’s etiquette-oriented culture no doubt came from the native religion Shinto, which translates as “Way of the Gods” and is based on maintaining harmonious relationships between mankind, nature, and the cosmos.

      Shinto is essentially a type of nature worship in which all things, including rivers, rocks, and trees, are considered to have spirits to whom a degree of reverence is due—philosophical and spiritual beliefs shared by the Hopi, Navajo, and other native American tribes.

      The primary focus of Japanese worship was the pantheon of Shinto gods believed to control all the forces of nature as well as the welfare of the people, including the success of crops and human fertility.

      Believing that their world was inhabited by innumerable spirits and gods, the Japanese developed a respectful attitude toward the seen as well as the unseen. This attitude was to shape their character from the beginning of their history and set the stage for the emergence of one of the world’s most mannered societies.

      According to the creation myth of Japan, Izanagi (Ee-zahnah-ghee) and Izanami (Ee-zah-nah-me), a god and goddess, gave birth to the Japanese islands. They were so enchanted with the beauty of their handiwork that they descended from the heavens to live on the islands. The story goes on to say that the Japanese themselves were the descendants of lesser gods who also settled on the island chain.

      The lineage of Japan’s earliest leaders, who combined the functions of high priest and sovereign, was traced directly to the divine ancestors in whose name they ruled. Thus, from the dawn of its history, Japanese society was structured according to religious tenets that required a very circumspect behavior and numerous formal ceremonies.

      Another factor that was to play a crucial role in the development of etiquette in Japan was the sweeping importation beginning in the mid-sixth century of Korean and Chinese fashions, philosophies, and social customs.

      Japan borrowed extensively from China in particular. By that time, China was already over three thousand years old and had a highly refined and stylized culture based on a concept familiar to the Japanese—a godlike emperor ruling over vassals and slaves and supported by a hierarchy of powerful underlings whose stations also