Etiquette Guide to Japan. Boye Lafayette De Mente
did not use their husbands’ first names. Instead, they called them anata (ah-nah-tah), which in this case is similar to “dear.” After having children, wives called their husbands o-tō-san (oh-toe-sahn), which translates as “father” or “papa.”
These aspects of etiquette in Japan have changed over the past few decades. It is now common for younger husbands and wives to use first names in addressing each other. Once they have children, however, they are still likely to refer to each other as “mother” and “father,” just as Westerners do when talking to their children.
As in the United States and elsewhere, many unrelated people share family names in Japan. Among the most common of these names are Sato (Sah-toh), Suzuki (Suu-zookee), Takahashi (Tah-kah-hah-she), Tanaka (Tah-nah-kah), and Watanabe (Wah-tah-nah-bay).
Another characteristic of Japanese family names is their frequent incorporation of words such as yama (“mountain”), ta (“rice field”), shima (“island”), mura (“village”), hashi (“bridge”), naka (“between”), shita (“below”), and kawa (“river”).
Although the use of names in Japan is being gradually Americanized and more and more Japanese are beginning to use the first names of new and old foreign friends, last names are always used in formal situations and by people who don’t know each other well. In the world of business, it is still unusual for a middle-aged or older Japanese businessperson to call a Japanese colleague by his or her first name, as Westerners commonly do.
Foreign visitors should exercise caution in addressing older Japanese people by their first names unless specifically asked to do so, or the Japanese person has adopted a Western first name and uses it when introducing him- or herself to you. (Generally, Japanese people with foreign names have taken them specifically for use by their foreign friends and acquaintances.)
In business settings, it is always wise to use last names when other Japanese people are present, even if speaking to someone who has a Western first name. In a group situation referring to an individual businessperson with a foreign first name is likely to be interpreted as showing a degree of familiarity or intimacy that is not appropriate.
Among adults in the business world, the honorific san (sahn) is invariably attached to whatever name is used when referring to or addressing someone. It is added to names and titles to show respect, almost like the Japanese equivalent of Mr., Mrs., or Miss. It is used when talking to both men and women.
This honorific is also used in written business communications, unless you are writing to someone you know very well.
Visitors to Japan are advised to add san to the first names as well as the last names of older children and adult Japanese they address. It is now little more than a politeness, but nevertheless important.
7
Using Titles
A key factor in the vertically arranged Japanese society is the importance of titles, which were used to rank people within the hierarchy of their group and to designate the classification or category of their work or profession.
In feudalistic, samurai-dominated Japan it became the custom to refer to people by their titles instead of their names. This exalted the title instead of the individual and helped maintain the hierarchical relationship between the various classes and between the categories of activity within those classes.
Given the depersonalization of the individual in favor of the group, titles tended to take on an entity of their own and to take precedence over the individuals temporarily bearing them.
Even today, the use of titles—both personal and professional—remains one of Japan’s key social graces. Here are some of the most common everyday titles:
Bartender—Bā tenda (bah-tane-dah)
Buddhist monk—O-Bō-san (oh-boh-sahn)
Butcher—Nikuya-san (nee-kuu-yah-sahn), or “Mr. Meat Man”
Carpenter—Daiku-san (dike-sahn), or “Mr. Carpenter”
Cook—Kuuk san (cook sahn)
Customer, guest, or visitor—O-Kyaku-san (oh-kyacksahn), “Mr. Guest” or “Mr. Customer.” O-Kyaku-sama (oh-kyack-sah-mah) is an even more polite form of address. This title can be used when referring to both men and women.
Doctor—O-isha-san (oh-ee-shah-sahn), or “Mr. Doctor”
Driver (of a taxi or private car)—Untenshu-san (uun-ten-shoe-sahn), or “Mr. Driver”
Policeman—O-Mawari-san (oh-mah-wah-ree-sahn)
Postman—Yubinya san (Yuu-bean-yah-sahn)
School principal—KM chō sensei (kohh-chohh sen-say-e)
Senior (in school, work, and so on)—Senpai (sen-pie)
Shinto priest—Kannushi-san (kahn-nuu-she-sahn)
Train conductor—Shasho-san (shah-show-sahn)
Waiter—Weta (way-tah)
Waitress—Wetoresu (way-toe-ray-suu)
Young woman (single)—o-jō-san (oh-joe-sahn), or “Miss Young Lady”
Your husband—Go-shujin (go-shuu-jeen)
Your wife—Oku-san (oak-sahn)
Titles are especially important in Japan’s business world. The way Americans might refer to the president of their country as “Mr. President” is a good illustration of how the Japanese use titles in business and in the professions. Here are some examples of business titles.
Chairman of the board—Kaichō (kye-choe)
President—Shachō (shah-choe)
Vice president—Fuku-shachō (fuu-kuu-shah-choe)
Senior (executive) managing director—Senmu (sem-muu)
Executive managing director—Jōmu (joe-muu)
Department manager (general manager)—Būcho (buuchoe)
Deputy general manager of the department—Būcho dairi (buu-choe die-ree). When addressing a deputy manager, only use dairi.
Section manager—Kachō (kah-choe)
Deputy section manager—Kachō dairi (kah-choe die-ree)
Supervisor—Kakari-cho (kah-kah-ree-choe)
It is not essential that foreign visitors to Japan conform to the custom of using titles instead of names in business situations, but by doing so they demonstrate knowledge and appreciation of Japanese customs and are able to communicate more clearly. There is also the personal satisfaction of doing things the “right way,” not to mention that using titles often allows you to politely address someone directly and personally without knowing his or her name—or avoid misusing it if you can’t pronounce it properly.
8
When & How to Bow
The bow (o-jigi / oh-jee-ghee) is the traditional Japanese method of expressing greetings, saying farewell, paying respect, apologizing, showing humility, and indicating understanding and acceptance.
The custom of bowing, which is common to many societies, probably derived from the animalistic behavior of demonstrating submissiveness by lowering the head or dropping to the ground to avoid conflict with stronger adversaries. In any event, it became an institutionalized form of etiquette in religiously oriented societies where such behavior was considered proper when in the presence of deities and their earthly representatives.
As with so many other behavioral traits, the Japanese took the practice of bowing much further than most societies, developing it to a fine art and making it the only acceptable act in many different social situations. During feudal times, failing to bow at the expected time or bowing improperly to a samurai or lord could result in a death sentence, sometimes carried out on the spot.
Historically, training in bowing began before